Friday, February 4, 2011

the hulk redecorates

Oh, the ebb and flow of life. The yin and yang. The salty and sweet.  The good and plenty. ..Ok, that last one doesn't work... or maybe it does.

So everyone has heard stories of humans acquiring super-human strength in scary situations.  You know -  A lady lifts a 2000 lb car to get her child out from under it, an unconditioned person runs faster and longer than would be cardiovascularly or muscularly possible to.. I don't know.. get away from a tiger.

Whatever.  I buy it.  I believe it.

..because it's happened to me.

When I was 16 yrs old, I got in a wreck (ok. extremely small fender bender with a 900 year old lady who ran her boat of a Cadillac into me on McPherson Church Road) and it scared me so badly that when I reached over to turn off the radio, I tore the knob off.  Yes, I tore off the knob and it felt as smooth as a hot knife through butter. Effortless. ..The jury is still out on whether or not that knob was actually loose.

Yesterday, I got all kinds of shook up about some moderately crappy news (that's really not all that bad) and Harper and I were trying to get out of the house to go to Gymboree and she was screaming baby obscenities because she didn't get to play in the sink long enough after lunch and I ran into the bathroom to grab the some lotion before we left - lest I be ashy, even under duress - and I pulled a 85 lb cabinet off the wall onto my head, which, just seconds previous, had been anchored by enormous sheet rock screws.

Pan-ic (n.) - When you're stuck holding something extremely heavy and you have no place to put it down or no ability to do so gingerly without wreaking mass havoc

Its contents began toppling out in a slow drizzle, bottle by bottle onto my head and shoulders as I balanced it in a brave, Atlas-esque attempt to keep it from crashing onto Harper's noggin (who was standing at my feet, still yelling at me), so then I had to yell at her as loudly and scarily as possible so that she would get out of the bathroom.

This didn't work.  Clearly, she thought we were practicing for the Spivey's Corner Hollerin' Contest because she just yelled louder and looked offended. Finally, I had to take a foot and sort of.. gently..kick her out of the bathroom and slam the door with my foot. She took extreme exception to this, yelled louder and came back in (when did she learn to open that door?).

As I contorted my body in ways I didn't think possible, the cabinet landed with a crash on the toilet.  Breakables flew and crashed. the bathroom.  Harper's still yelling - with reason, this time, because I think she got bonked with a sizable bottle of body wash.

When the dust finally settled and the glass was swept, I looked up to view this -

Nice color choice and subsequent paint job, previous owners (..?).

Anyway. Here's the flow. The yang. The sweet. The plenty.

I'm overjoyed.

The bathroom looks so spacious and after I patch holes, sand, buff and paint,  I finally have a place to hang this enormous coffee filter wreath.


  1. LOL at literally kicking her out of the bathroom. I had to ever so kindly push Michael when we were at Petsmart and an end display started to topple over. I don't really remember it. I just know he brushed the display with his arm and we walked past and part of it came off which Stephen caught and was attemptng to put back up with the shelves started to fall forward onto Michael and I. He got a little shove out of the way and I threw my hands up to catch the shelves. The things that happen when you become a mommy. I think the pregnancy hormones have some kind of superpower in them that hang around in our bodies just for situations like that.

  2. I'm glad your super human strength was only in your arms. Imagine if you had kicked Harper through a couple of walls!

  3. Haha, Paul. That is pretty funny! Glad you both are o.k.!

  4. All I keep thinking is I'm glad you weren't actually SITTING on the toilet when this happened. Glad everyone is ok!

  5. I can just see Harper flying through the air. LOL

  6. This made me laugh. I have had so many of these incidents (well similar incidents) like this with Taylor. I could so relate.