Friday, March 30, 2012

Top of the Muffin, to ya!

Instead of a devil, I think Lil Jon is on my shoulder. And all he says is "Yeeaah!"

Lil Jon, should I eat this Easter candy I bought for Harper? "Yeeeah!"

Should I have a bite (psssshh.. a bite..) of Harper's spwinkles doughnut? "Yeeeeah!"

Because Lil Jon wears baggy pants, honey badger don't care. 

He's also probably crunk.

But this much I know for certain: Very soon, gone will be the days of anonymity.

We're moving back to our hometown.


Where eyes cut and tongues wag if you go to the park looking like I looked this morning.

Bless my heart. And Lil Jon's.

I will hide behind the sweatpants of a rapper no longer. And if he wore yoga pants, I wouldn't hide behind them, either.

I'm tired of clinking my pimp cup of Coke.

Who's with me?

If you're interested, I'll link your blog so we can keep up with each other.


Start a Couch to 5k. . . eat better. . . exercise. . . write about it.

Sing it to me one mo time.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My opus.

..the music of my life.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

11 Questions

Laura, at Navigating the Mothership, linked me on an 11 Questions 'meme.' Meme clearly means to invent and answer fortyleven questions while shirking all household/work responsibilities.

Laura is super funny and truthful and spot-on about being a momma with a sprinkle of hippie. Also, she says "yo" on the regular, which endears her to me. 

So, first: 11 facts about me. Random and I fear.. uninteresting.

1. I discuss nail polish at least once per day with my friend Tiffany. Rarely do we skip a day. RARELY. And we send pictures of our nails to each other. Today, I'm wearing Koala Beary by OPI. It's hot pink. It achieves opacity in two coats with absolutely no streaking. She's wearing Houston, We Have a Purple by
OPI. It's a jelly. Our favorite.

2. I've never been able to do a pull-up in my life. MY LIFE. My arm hang wasn't too swift, either. But the shuttle run? I will dust you in the shuttle run. Still. ..Set up the blocks. Our driveway is the perfect length.

3. I go on blogging hiatuses when I lose a follower. Formerly 83, I'm looking at YOU. That cut me deep, 83. Deep.

4. I would rather eat dirt than drink a glass of plain milk. However, I love all milk products.

5. I don't know my right from my left. Even if it seems like I don't pause when I answer, I do. Because I have to think about it. Every single time.

6. I never had hot tea until I moved to Wisconsin. And then, I was all, "I hate it! It's too strong!" ... Take the tea bag out, Courtney. Take it out. And now I drink it every day.

7. One time, I definitely did a 180 degree spin in the middle of the All-American Freeway in a rain storm. I think I hydroplaned, but not sure.. because in 3 seconds, I was facing the wrong direction in the road.  I never told anyone except Brandon. Ok, Mom. Commence freakout.

8. I am a good bowler, but I can not do that thing where the ball curves in and knocks down the pins. It seems like a sneaky and unnatural move anyway.

9. I have a serious fear of tornadoes and I'm pretty sure I was in one when I was in elementary school, sleeping over at a friend's house. Melissa.. did that actually happen?

10. My most terrifying recurring dream is that I'm driving up a hill and all of a sudden, the hill gets so steep that I'm driving straight up and I just know that at any moment, my car is going to fall right off of the road. Anyone want to diagnose the meaning of that craziness?

11. Once, Brandon and I drove through a snowstorm in Indiana and on icy roads through the West Virginia mountains in the middle of the night because there was no place to stop. I thought we were going to die. Seriously. It's the only time I really ever thought I was going to die.

Now, I answer Laura's 11 questions.

1. You can order anything off a brunch menu (it's magic and the future and thus it's a limitless menu) - what do you pick? All I can think about is one time we went to brunch at a super awesome restaurant with all of our friends and I was A: pregnant and B: stricken with horrifying morning sickness. I'd just like a re-do. And YES, I'd like the unlimited mimosas for $5. Please, and thank you.

2. Dream vacation spot and who do you bring? Resort igloo vacation in the Arctic Circle. I'd take Brandon, obviously, but Harper and Henry, too. Maybe they could sleep in a separate igloo. Or like.. an igloo with a ice door to our igloo so they could holler and play and it wouldn't be too loud. Adjoining igloos, if you will.

3. What TV show or movie best represents your life right now? Up All Night. Easily. I just had four cups of coffee and a box of Nerds! I'm ready to watch Friday Night Lights!

4. What TV show or movie would you like to live in for a week? Probably be The Office. . .and I actually lived it for two years in Wisconsin, so I think I'd fit in well.

5. What scandalized you as a child, as in something like finding a copy of Forever by Judy Blume on the shelf and reading it at the tender age of 11?  Please. I went to public school. Except for maybe being on the receiving end of the misinformation that "funk" was the f-word and being horrified when Mom would threaten to come by my third grade classroom and tell our class to "Get funky!"

6. What do you do fabulously that makes you want to high-five yourself? Ok. Two things. The first is something only I care about: I can look at any leftover food and judge the most appropriate size Tupperware container. It's a gift. I never have to repackage. I never have spillover. 100%. The other is only a smidge more important in the general spectrum of life survival: I never get lost. Ever. I always know where I am. This is especially impressive because I don't know my right from my left. Due in equal parts to Dad making me navigate every single weekend trip we ever took from the time I was 6 years old and mom making me lean the seat of the car back so I couldn't see where we were going and keep up with where we were based on how the car turned. ...Wait. Y'all didn't play "kidnapped" on the way home from school? I am a suburban Katniss Everdeen. I promise.

7. Are you a hugger? Or try to avoid getting hugged? What are your feelings about elderly people that kiss you wetly on the mouth? (There is only one answer for that last question.) I'm a total hugger, but am annoyed with hugs when the hugger is just trying to A: cop a feel on someone else's significant other - who do you think you're fooling? or B: establish dominance. On the aggregate, I'm afraid of elderly people. You never know what they'll do or say. So I'm generally terrified by the thought of one coming at me with wet lips. ..but not surprised. As I stated before... you just never know.

8. Name a pet peeve. Bandwagon Carolina fans. There. I said it.

9. Do you have a morning routine that you must do everyday? No. Thanks to Mr. I-don't-like-it-when-you-ingest-dairy-or-soy, even my one-eye-open stagger to the coffee maker is out the window.

10. What was the last thing you ate and drank? Cherry Pie Lara Bar and low acid orange juice. Both have changed my life.

11. What is your dream career? I'm doing it. I know, I know. Gag.

And now my questions:

1. If you could re-do one decision in your life, what would it be?

2. What's your all-time favorite scent? Not perfume, but.. like.. smell.

3. Do you remember your first kiss? Lol. Just take a minute to bathe in the awkwardness...... and then regale us with it.

4. Speaking of, what's the most awkward moment that you can ever recall?

5. What the worst trouble you ever got in in school? Heather Pavel, I did not make you squeeze that fire extinguisher handle.

6. If you could go back to a place you've visited, where would it be?

7. Describe the most perfect day of your life so far.

8. Do you have a firm handshake and do you think that matters? PS. I shake hands with the strength of.. the Hulk. I got tired of being squeezed to death, yo.

9. What size bed do you have? Validate your decision. Especially mention if it's a super tall bed. I do not understand the logic. What if you fall out? Wouldn't it hurt way worse?

10. What would you buy right now if I gave you $100?

11. Complete this sentence: I feel strongest when I . . . .

Feel free to create a blog just to answer these questions - you know you want an excuse to blog. And I'll link you if you do. But here's who I'm guilting into it: Hannah, Sarah and Karrie.