a "how to" post

I have the unique inability to recreate awesomeness. This applies to nearly every facet of my life.  When I was little, I played softball.  The year I turned 12, I hit 14 home runs (the over-the-fence kind). I remember my dad telling me that I was batting somewhere over 900.  The next season? I couldn't hit my way out of a wet paper bag.  I struck out at least once every game and it only got worse from there. I quit in high school after riding the pine for a year on varsity, where I would occasionally be called on to pinch hit whiff and strike out.

I can pick up the Wii controller and steamroll 3 levels of Mario 3 then die 9 times in a row on level 4.

I'll make the best casserole I've ever eaten.. a kickasserole, if you will.. and the next time, well.. it'll just be more of an asserole.

I'll make a Christmas wreath for our front door and I'll be so proud of it that I'll send a picture to Brandon (sorry, you got wifed) and one to my friend, Tiffany - an engineer - to discuss proper ball placement.  At the same time, I'll furiously list all of the supplies I need to make more, because Mom will want one, I'll want one for the garage, maybe my friend Mandy will want one and my mother-in-law, too. Obviously, I'll write a blog post on how to create this feat of magnificence! And that, my four friends who read this, was going to be the title of this post: How to Make an Awesome Christmas Wreath for $8. ..Failure abounds.

This is what I got all worked up about:

Attempt #2:

Yes, those are feathers. What the...? After staring at it after more than 30 seconds in utter silence, Brandon said it looked like a peacock crawled in and died. I think it looks like a cheap, old-lady church hat.

Sure, I can pinpoint where it went wrong..and that must be good for something, so I'll halfheartedly try again.  My best guess is that it will decorate the garbage can on Tuesday morning and maybe, just maybe, a sanitation worker with a sense of humor will strap it to the front of his truck for a little holiday sparkle. Ho Ho Ho.