Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Crack is whack.

Rather than don my usual mom-at-Gymboree sweats today, I wore jeans (totally conservative-mommed it out with a cardigan). . . .not because I particularly wanted to fix up, but because we just got back from vacation and all of my mom clothes are dirty. Eh.

So, sitting in circle time, singing songs, acting out The Noble Duke of York (umm.. am I the only one who'd never heard of that?), throwing Harper over my shoulder, bending down low to tickle her, lifting and stretching with her on the floor, and pretty much wigglin' on down, I felt a breeze up my back.

You know... the breeze that causes you to say to yourself, "Self, you should be very thankful that you have on a very long, flowy shirt with that perfectly fitted cardigan today, because if it was anything else, these moms and dads and toddlers and grandmas and grandpas might see your butt crack." ((pats self on back for unintentional coup))

Later today, I was stooped, if you will, in a position I had taken at least 10 times at Gymboree to put on Harper's socks and shoes. Enter the breeze.

I casually turned to a conveniently placed mirror to see just how close I had come to showing where the sun don't shine. . .

And found that I had overestimated the flowiness and length of my shirt as well as the rise in my jeans.

Staring back at me? A solid two inches of crack.


  1. oh, how i've missed your posts!! i have this problem...umm... frequently. even with the "mom jeans" (well, as close as i'll ever have to mom jeans for the next 50 years). and for that very reason, i wear those white cami undershirt things with EVERYTHING. all the time. very few exceptions.

    and i'm picky about the selection--they gotta be longer (i have one or two that are even maternity brand--they're not "bellyish", they're just longer!!)

    good luck with yo' crack problem! :)

  2. We've all been innocent victims of The Crack. And any mom who says she hasn't ever bent over and shown a little extra flesh is lying. Or has a very good stylist doing her shopping for her.

  3. I am laughing out loud and it is 4:30 in the morning. I think you should write about the time you got in the wrong car!!!!!

  4. LOL ahhh Court. We've all done it.

  5. I love that picture! I hear she is back in rehab. I wonder if they ever found those receipts?

  6. I was at Gymboree the other day and there was a dad at open gym with - I kid you not - like 4-5 inches of butt crack showing. He was totally clueless that he was showing everyone his butt!