Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Indy starts the diet. P.S. Who needs Zagat ratings when you have all-you-can-eat BBQ? Zagat that, buddy.

This is part three of Indy's terrifying HCG diet series. Here's Part I and Part 2.
Indy didn't pick this picture or title this post. It's my blog and I do what I want.
In the manner of a death row inmate, I meticulously planned out my first stage. I ordered all of my favorite foods from Amazon, and a coincidental trip to DC for the birth of my niece provided the perfect opportunity for a restaurant hopping binge that would have made Caligula blush. On the first morning I forced down a huge breakfast. Then my wife and I (her parents blessedly babysitting our Tazmanian devil), headed to the Annapolis waterfront so that I could wolf down crabcakes from Chick and Ruth’s (supposedly the best in Maryland. I don’t disagree). After I finally surrendered to the remaining food on my plate, my wife looked at me and deadpanned, “McKayla is not impressed.” I had eaten significantly less than I would have a week before. Hmmm. Here I am trying to eat as much as I can, and I can’t manage eat a crabcake? Ding ding ding! The drops are working. I was stoked. I had confidence that I was not going to die during phase two.  
Dinner was, unfortunately a different story. We made three reservations in DC-each an hour and a half apart. Yes, three. Yes, that is ridiculous and wasteful and excessive. I get it. I don’t care. These were places that we had taken for granted a mere 9 months ago but after our move down to (I’m sorry Courtney) an area that doesn’t have a Zagat rated restaurant for 200 miles, had become the stuff of legend ala “You know what would be ah-maz-ing right now? Jaleo’s. I guess it’s Dominoes again tonight.” I ate and I ate. At first it was awesome-no guilt or worry. Hey, this is part of my diet. After a while though, I realized that I wasn’t really feeling full. My confidence in my survival during phase 2 plummeted. It was too late to turn back though. I rounded out my second day of phase 1 with another herculean intake of the least healthy foods I could find. Have you ever had red velvet cake ice cream? It’s legal crack. Anyway, as the last day of phase 1 came to a close, I started getting nervous about phase 2.
I woke up the next morning and weighed myself. 217.6. Ok I guess I had that coming. I had eaten more in 2 days than most third world countries do in a month. I took my drops and left for work. Part of the diet demands that you drink 0.5 ounces of water for every pound you weigh. For me, that is a lot of water. I drank 50 ounces of water and peed 6 times before noon. So far so good I guess. Lunch was two handfuls of iceberg lettuce and 4 ounces of lean meat (chicken, crab, lobster, veal, etc) cooked with no oil. I started getting hungry abound 3. I started getting really hungry when I left work around 430, and by the time I was home, I was starving, light-headed, and a little nauseous. Magic bullet, this was not. I’m stubborn and a little masochistic, so I determined to stick it out anyway. Dinner was the same as lunch-I calculated that I took in about 200 calories that day. I’m not sure where the other 300 was supposed to come in, but maybe I’m an overachiever. My wife and I did everything we could think of to distract me from my hunger and keep me from stealing the baby’s food. By bedtime, I was bowed but not broken. I woke up on day 2 and weighed myself. 214.8. I had lost 2.8 lbs in a day, and my constant running to the bathroom can attest that it was definitely not water weight. With results, however infinitesimal, my determination was renewed.
To be continued..

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