Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Brace thyself. This is a rant.

Last night, I sat - concentration alternating between the computer screen and the Double Stuf Oreo container - sarcastically snorting  and gesturing wildly to Brandon (poor thing) because I stumbled across a piece written for Yahoo! Finance Financially Fit series, suggesting there are only five items you must have for a toddler. ((Snort.))

I am, admittedly, a card-carrying member of the school of "buy that baby a bouncer, a Jumperoo and a Cozy Coupe ('plastic toys' the author just 'doesn't miss')," and I take exception to her list. Bless her frugal heart.

She says a toddler needs:

1.Car seat. Duh.
2. Crib. Duh.
3. Stroller. Duh.
3. Sippy Cups. Yes. There were two #3s. Also, duh.
4. Potty. Duh.
5. Crayons. Heh?

She says a toddler doesn't need:

1. A high chair - and attests that her nearly 2-year-old sits at the table in a regular chair. Is her child in the 250th percentile for height or does she somehow velcro her plate to her pants? Because Harper is tall. And. She. Can't. See. Over. The. Table. Also, if the author's kid is tall enough for the table, I bet she's big enough for the regular 'potty.' ((mommed))

 2. Changing table - Ok, maybe. But it took me 5 minutes to change a squirmy toddler's diaper on the bed yesterday when it normally takes less than 15 seconds. Opportunity cost. I could have been reading her a book. Lady, the time will come when your child will realize her free will and you will subsequently have to pin down Free Willy's limbs with your knees so you don't have poop up to your elbows and that will make you feel badly. And on that day, you will wish you had a changing table.

3. Toddler eating utensils - She also indicates that her daughter is happy to eat with a salad fork and a teaspoon. ...I liken this to an adult attempting to eat a meal with a spatula and a meat fork, minus at least 25 years of hand-eye coordination. Their. mouths. are. smaller. and. so. are. their. hands. 

4. Books - "This is what the library is for." You'll hang your hat on crayons but draw (te-he) the line at purchasing books? ..Riiiiiiight. 

She doesn't 'count' clothes and diapers.

Well, enough ranting. Gotta go make Harper's oatmeal before she gets out of bed. . . . Oh. And get her utensils from around the side of the barn:


  1. Who let that psycho out of the looney bin?

  2. LOL ok so I consider my self a fairly frugal person and this is just ridiculous. So the kid can have a bed but no blankets? Or does that fall into the clothing category. Also, what about some paper or coloring books to go with those crayons....are they supposed to just look at them and be happy? I have a tall 4 year old and he still has trouble sitting at the table and being able to eat. I can't imagine him at 2 sitting at the table and eating without making a terrible mess. Ohhhh Court I figured it out. They can have the sippy cups because they are on an all liquid diet and that's how they manage to eat at the table without using kid sized utensils or making a mess. :)

  3. Ok, don't hate me but...

    We didn't use a high chair with our first. He sat in his bouncy seat to eat until he was old enough to hold himself up in our Stokke-style high chair. He screamed when we put him in it and it just wasn't worth the stress for us. He sat on our laps to eat until he was about one, then he wanted to sit in a chair like the rest of us. So he did...well, usually he stood on it or sat on his knees, but it worked.

    We also didn't use a changing table - the sofa, floor and beds work just fine. And we didn't use a crib because from day one he screamed until he puked & gagged when put in it. After a few sleepless nights for all of us and a few choking on puke scares, he began to sleep with us. When he was about 1.5 he moved to a toddler bed beside our bed, and now at 2.5 he sleeps in his own room in a twin bed.

    That said, with our second child (who is 5 months) we are getting ready to buy her a highchair. A more traditional one this time, even though I still really like the idea of the ones that you just pull up to the table. She also sleeps happily in her brother's handmedown crib. With both children we had/have a whole slew of bouncers, jumpers, and other "frivolous things." =)

  4. Kim & Amanda - thank the lord I wasn't the only one.

    Elle - sounds like you gave birth to a minimalist :) Also, our friends just bought one of the traveling high chairs that you snap onto the side of the table, and while its kinda suspended in thin air which makes me nervous, it looks awesome! So small and compact and lightweight. I might be up for that! ..bring on the frivolity!

  5. Ok, laughed out loud at your (mommed) comment. Love it. Also at the oversized utensil visual. 100% agree.

    So, no high chair would have been HELL for us. HELL. Capital letters needed. We have a pretty tiny old house, so to save space we actually just bought one of those $20 booster high chair things, with the trays that you put on your own chair, but whatever, same thing. And yeah, my kid is a lunatic, and still at 22 months needs to be strapped in to eat or he's all over the place, running through the house with a mouth full of chicken, smearing avocado on the walls. Lunatic, I tell you. He's a fantastic eater when he is restrained. When not, he squirms and climbs and throws food and barely eats a thing.

    Oh, and also, my lunatic child is just now, finally, not eating crayons. So yeah, what in the world would we have done if that's all we had to entertain him? Books on the other hand, we ALWAYS have on hand, for the car, for restaurants, for the mall, for bedtime.

    That chick is crazy.

    Love your blog, so happy to have found you, and new I would relate to you by your title alone. ;)

  6. Knew. Forgot the k. And that would have really bothered me, I hate blatant misspellings. (Did I spell that right?!)