Friday, July 25, 2014

manly essentials.

"Mommmaaa, I'm suck."
"Stuck, huh? How'd you get up there?"
"Cwimbed dis cabinet."
"Whatcha need?"
"Deese boots and a protein bar. Kiss me befoe I jump."





Tuesday, July 15, 2014

10 ways to horrify a 2.5 year old.

1. Assume he wants his banana peeled.
2. Pick up a sibling. Ever.
3. Sing along with him.
4. Help him put on his shoes.
5. Suggest he has a last name.
6. Buckle his car seat.
7. Gently recommend he not approach an ice cream cone bottom first.
8. Embark upon any painless endeavor of his basic hygiene which must be repeated multiple times per day, including, but not limited to: face wiping, diaper changing, tooth brushing and hair combing.
9. Pick him up.
10. Put him down.



Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Defying physics and other talents.

By now, y'all know I'm always game for a gimmicky diet or workout. It should come as no shock that I'm nearly done with T25 and headed for P90X. It is for real. I can do push-ups again. Real ones.

Admittedly, I am somewhat concerned that if I maintain this sort of ..manly Jazzercize, our ceiling downstairs will collapse, because.. high jumps. Hopefully, I will land on the couch.

As usual, I've gained weight. It's just what I do. It's a gift. I like to think that I'm built for survival. I would survive as long as any teenage heroine in any popular young adult literature series on which I've binged this summer.

But since I'm not trying to climb out of the Grand Canyon carrying a boat, eating only apples grown by long gone farmers of the Rising, my jeans are tight.

It's a delicate balance, jump squats and coffee cake.

Today, I bought a bag of chocolate Shakeology.

I read a lot about it before I did, because the price is unspeakable.

In the end, I decided to try it because eating healthy food is expensive, anyway.

 Concerned it would be like.. chocolate water (that's how it looks in commercials).., I mixed it with 12 oz. of coconut milk, a half cup of crushed ice and, much to Henry's annoyance, pulled out the immersion blender.

I say all of that - even the anecdotal rambling - to say, it's really thick. Maybe because of the chia seeds or one of the many other fancypants ingredients. I don't know. I know coffee cake made with cream cheese. It's what brung me.

So..

I struggled through the first half, feeling somewhat defeated. ..but then, in a texture-driven near heave, a moment of clarity prevailed over beer-bonging strategies of yore:

It's like drinking chocolate pudding.

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT?

And lastly, I read somewhere that good photography is essential for successful blogging. Ha!

This is after the ice melted. . . I stuck my phone in and tilted the shake down, so it's slowly lolling its way down through Brandon's Phil Robertson Happy Happy Happy Tervis tumbler, looking like the mouth of Hell. But in a good way.