Thursday, December 8, 2011

The funniest/most awkward thing that happened to me in 2011.

I'm jumping the gun here, hoping it absolves me of some kind of horribly awkward birth story.

But, I'm pretty sure some of the oomph will be lost in my necessity to protect anonymity.

Cause, Lord, if you knew who did this, or I could just tell you more about them, it would be so much funnier.

So back in March, before I found out we were going to have Henry, I thought that we weren't. And it bummed me out. Little did I know, just a few days later, we'd get some happy news.


I have a friend who has two children and, thus, not a lot of time to spend with her husband.

So when I started bellyaching about the fact I wasn't pregnant when I thought - surely - I should have been, she sent me a texted song to cheer me up*, adding the text "This will make you feel better about not being pregnant."

*this is when you need to know more about her to realize how out of character this would have been. She's a pragmatist and would never go here. Not on her most hormonal day:

And so I listened to it. And through most of it, I'm thinking, "Did she have a stroke?" Because it was a Faith Hill song, but not just any Faith Hill song. A racy, im-fixin-to-rip-tim-mcgraw's-clothes-off-and-i-dont-care-who-knows-it song.

Poor girl musta been desperate for a date night. 

And, at first, my plan was to ignore it.. but.. can you really ignore something so genuine and heartfelt from a friend? Perhaps a disguised cry for help? Something that obviously took lots of forethought to find and..guts to send? I mean.. it was such an intimate audio file. I just.. couldn't ignore it.

Especially after two hours, when she texted and asked, "Did you get what I sent?"

(and here's where it gets so awkward that you're gonna want to look away, and as my good friend Elizabeth says, 'you can't unread this.')

I typed the most awkward response in history, "Aww, that hits the spot. Leave it to Faith Hill."


WHAT THE HECK? "Hits the spot?!" Who says that?! My face is red in the retelling. Cringing, I tell you.

As fast as lightning, she's texting back...blowing me up, y'all:







So with each text, I got a little more giggly - wondering how that could have actually happened to: a. the pragmatist, b. the perfectionist. c. why is a Faith Hill song on your phone?

And then she sent the file she meant to send. . . her two children hollering to beat the band.. at the same time. "This will make you feel better about not being pregnant."

Indeed, my friend. Indeed it did. I'd even say that it..yes...hit the spot.

Of course, everyone has a story at least this good once a year.

Wanna know why this wins my prize for 2011?

C. It wasn't Faith Hill doing the singing. Mid frenzied type-a text freakout, she let it slip: She had recorded herself singing a racy, im-fixin-to-rip-tim-mcgraw's-clothes-off-and-i-dont-care-who-knows-it song while she was driving and had accidentally sent.. it.. to.. me.


  1. What I want to know is, which Faith Hill song... I am about to Google to figure it out. My best friend and I have a little saying for these never-tells. We do something and then think to ourselves, "no one can ever know." Then, inevitably, we end up telling each other some other time over the course our friendship. Siigh.

  2. This was priceless!
    Awkward moments make the year worth while!

  3. On a brighter note, your friend must have a great singing voice if you can mistake her for Faith Hill! Might want to save the recording, in case she ever goes on American Idol and becomes famous!